It seems quite apt writing this on a Monday from work. Truth be told I really quite enjoy my job and until 9 months ago had no problem getting up for work in the morning. I am also, in the current economic climate lucky to have a half decent job, let alone enjoy it, but still I complain.
The reason I complain is that 9 months ago my son was born and as a Father I was entitled to a whole 2 weeks off work with him. I took a further week of my own holidays meaning I had three weeks to be with my new-born son and help my OH with looking after him. Those three weeks flew by and back to work I had to go and for the first time I really resented my job. Three weeks just isn’t enough, it wasnt enough for me I wanted longer. It wasn’t enough for my OH she needed me around, it became a lonely time for her and there was nothing I could do about it. It also wasn’t enough time for my son, it took him a lot longer to realise who I was than it did his mother. Now I appreciate part of this is the maternal bond but I also put it in part down to the fact I am out of the house for 10 hours a day.
Now lets look at what I have missed:
- I’ve never been to get him weighed
- I wasnt there to console him after any of his jabs
- I missed him stand for the first time, sign for the first time, roll for the first time. I got to experience these via text message from my OH
- I’ve never been to a music sensory group with him which from all accounts he loves
- I wasn’t able to be at the doctors with him when he wasnt well
- I missed his 12 month check (even though he is only 9 months, go figure)
It’s not just my son and me that this all effects. I have mentioned my OH who works tirelessly not only to bring our son up, but also ensure I am not up in the middle of the night with him. I do not agree this should be the case at all but she insists its better for our little man (she is still breast-feeding) and that I need to sleep because I have work.
This at times just doesn’t work. Today she is tired, more so than usual. She is upset because she is tired and that we are struggling for much us time. So today I have to leave for that place I don’t want to be, leaving my son behind, not able to go to his 12 month check and also leaving an upset mum to try to contend with it all herself.
As I said I hate work!
There is always a silver lining and I have two:
1) My OH goes back to work herself soon, so things will have to change and for the better for her.
2) I will get home tonight and be greeted to the biggest broadest most amazing smile you will ever see. I will sit on the floor and he will shuffle over to me still grinning. He will then most likely try to eat me in some way shape or form. In that moment no matter what kind of day I have had nothing else will matter.