I Hate Work

It seems quite apt writing this on a Monday from work. Truth be told I  really quite enjoy my job and until 9 months ago had no problem getting up for work in the morning. I am also, in the current economic climate lucky to have a half decent job, let alone enjoy it, but still I complain.

The reason I complain is that 9 months ago my son was born and as a Father I was entitled to a whole 2 weeks off work with him. I took a further week of my own holidays meaning I had three weeks to be with my new-born son and help my OH with looking after him. Those three weeks flew by and back to work I had to go and for the first time I really resented my job. Three weeks just isn’t enough, it wasnt enough for me I wanted longer. It wasn’t enough for my OH she needed me around, it became a lonely time for her and there was nothing I could do about it. It also wasn’t enough time for my son, it took him a lot longer to realise who I was than it did his mother. Now I appreciate part of this is the maternal bond but I also put it in part down to the fact I am out of the house for 10 hours a day.

Now lets look at what I have missed:

  • I’ve never been to get him weighed
  • I wasnt there to console him after any of his jabs
  • I missed him stand for the first time, sign for the first time, roll for the first time. I got to experience these via text message from my OH
  • I’ve never been to a music sensory group with him which from all accounts he loves
  • I wasn’t able to be at the doctors with him when he wasnt well
  • I missed his 12 month check (even though he is only 9 months, go figure)

It’s not just my son and me that this all effects. I have mentioned my OH who works tirelessly not only to bring our son up, but also ensure I am not up in the middle of the night with him. I do not agree this should be the case at all but she insists its better for our little man (she is still breast-feeding) and that I need to sleep because I have work.

This at times just doesn’t work. Today she is tired, more so than usual. She is upset because she is tired and that we are struggling for much us time. So today I have to leave for that place I don’t want to be, leaving my son behind, not able to go to his 12 month check and also leaving an upset mum to try to contend with it all herself.

As I said I hate work!

There is always a silver lining and I have two:

1) My OH goes back to work herself soon, so things will have to change and for the better for her.

2) I will get home tonight and be greeted to the biggest broadest most amazing smile you will ever see. I will sit on the floor and he will shuffle over to me still grinning. He will then most likely try to eat me in some way shape or form. In that moment no matter what kind of day I have had nothing else will matter.

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11 Comments

  1. I struggled the first year. Going back to work after 2 or 3 weeks is ridiculous. Neither Bear or I had a clue what to do with Bug (we still don’t) and it felt like I’d abandoned both of them.

    We both work part-time now. Bear Monday-Wednesday, me Thursday to Sunday. Money’s tight, and Bear and I rarely see each other, but Bug gets either Mum or Dad everyday. With everything about parenting, we have to compromise.

    Reply
    • Yes I completely understand that feeling of abandonment, what parents are ready to go it alone after 3 months let alone 3 weeks especially if its your first. work wise I would love to go part time, even just dropping 1 day a week would be great but my job just doesn’t allow for it 😦

      Thanks for reading and taking time to comment

      Reply
  2. I can totally relate, think I’ve written similar sentiments a few times. So much so that with our second now here (5 weeks old now) I’m seriously looking to see what jobs I can do that would mean working from home the majority of the time. Then I can have 3 meals a day with them and go to those appointments.
    Not sure there is much other choice because without a lottery win we have to work don’t we?

    Reply
    • Ironically I have started going on the lottery ever since the little man was born, never used to bother with it much before 🙂 Good luck with the job search

      Reply
  3. Reading this has made me realise that I probably don’t pay enough attention to how my OH might feel about being a father and being at work missing out. He never talks about it. I wish he would. We are on our second (she is 11 months and the first almost 3), we still struggle for ‘us’ time. Parenting seems to be one big stage filled with emotions, that we didn’t think would exist in the same space together. Guilt playing the lead role. The most important thing is that your providing and albeit at a consequence of missing out slightly. For me, the best thing about work is being missed, just like your number two sliver lining. It’s silly because I used to slightly envy the joy and delight my girls would show their Daddy when he got home from work. I used to wonder if they’d miss me in the same way. Turns out they do and that’s a comforting feeling. I hope you soon get to share some of those times together that you want to. Lovely post 🙂

    Reply
    • *you’re (grr I frustrate the life out of me when I do that, grrr)

      Reply
    • Hi, thanks for reading 🙂

      Unfortunately it isn’t in our make up to talk about our feelings. I know my OH reads my blog so she knows how I feel but if I didnt put things into writing I very much doubt I would actually talk about them. You’re absolutely right about it being filled with emotions, that side of parenting noone can prepare you for in any way shape or form.

      Reply
  4. DustandLove

     /  June 26, 2012

    Good piece. I’m in the same boat as you and miss everything that happens at home. I had to take some extra time off work to look after the Buggle while she wrestled with PND and to top it off had to take unpaid leave. I just have to remember that I am still making my own contribution albeit from a distance. The weekends are the best weekends I have ever had. Enjoy being munched on this evening.

    Reply
  5. I took two weeks holiday with our first, a weeks holiday with our second and 4 days with our third. Paternity leave is a nice idea but my firm only offers statutory, so we simply couldn’t afford it. Of course that meant we were hamstrung for the rest of the year when it came to holiday with the boy.

    It was rotten though. Really really crap. If you’ve not seen it, my Guardian Comment is Free bit on the subject is here: http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/aug/04/fathers-view-genuinely-devastated

    Reply
    • Good read that and sums it up nicely. Ironically enough I am not the major wage earner in our household, but one of us has to work so it was down to me, which I get for starters I dont have the equipment to feed our little man 🙂

      I don’t think 2 weeks for any father will never be enough. It will be interesting to see how many fathers do get some paternity time when shared paternity laws come into effect.

      Reply
  6. Found you through Blow Your Own Blog-Horn Hop and glad I did!

    Our kids are teens and it is hard to leave them! However, I will say, I think my job saved my sanity. I am home now with them during the teen years and sometimes I crave an escape out of the teen drama world I find myself in. 🙂

    Reply

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