My OH will testify to the fact I am a worrier, I know I am and try not to but for some reason those things that are important to me in life I worry about on a daily basis. Now if you’ve read my other post on fatherhood you will be aware my son was born 8 months ago and from that day forwards my life has been an endless case of concern, worry and as the title says sometimes fear.
I am pretty sure I’m not the only parent who worries on a daily basis but never the less I’ve decided to share with you some of what I stress over, as much for my own sanity as anything else.
Father In Training
I think I will always be a father in training truth be told but one of my biggest fears is not being the very best dad I can possibly be to my son and any children I have in the future. My own father wasn’t much of one to the point we haven’t spoken for 19 years and the last thing I want for my son is a father like my own.
It scared me at first having this little being that I am responsible for, I think that first drive home was the most terrifying experience of my life. Having to drive home with all those nutters on the roads with something so small in the back, shudders at the thought of doing that again.
Once home every day has been an amazing learning experience yet i still worry I am going to make a mess of it somehow. I guess that fear is a good thing in its own way as it makes me strive to be a better father each day.
Oh how I worry about him.
His health, his size (he’s only small), what his future holds, where he will go to school, his eczema, that sneeze he had last night, too much sun, not enough sun, when he goes to nursery. The list is endless and I am sure these are all normal parental concerns for their child, that doesn’t stop me though.
I’ve not even touched upon the times he spent in hospital for jaundice and a skin infection, horrible, and the feeling of helplessness was overwhelming at times.
It’s that feeling of helplessness with him that does get to me. For the last couple of nights he’s not been himself and all he has wanted was his mum. He woke after being put to bed and I tried to settle him down but all he was wanting to do was look around and see where his mum was. She had to take over in the end and he nigh on jumped into her arms and all was well.
Don’t get me wrong my son is a happy, healthy and bubbly little boy. He is hitting his milestones, starting to crawl and make proper sounds. His eating is amazing (thanks to his mothers insistence on baby led weaning). He has eczema but we control it well. His sleeping is not amazing but then again neither is mine so it’s not surprising.
So in reality I have little to worry about yet I do.
The love of my life which means she is straight into that category of I worry about her.
She is an amazing mum (I should tell her that more often) and looks after our LO while I am at work. I worry at times she takes on too much, she has breastfed for 8 months religiously, no matter how tired she is getting up in the night, she has not wavered once on wanting to do this, because that’s what’s best for our son.
At times I wish we had gone on to bottles but only for her sake, to give her a rest and maybe a decent nights sleep. She goes back to work soon and I know it will be difficult giving up that day to day contact but also the stresses on her own body if she is still breast feeding by then.
All of this doesn’t really scratch the surface but it does give a general insight into what’s going on in my head on a daily basis. I get to come to work which I hate as I miss so much of my son’s life, but it does at least give me an environment which I can control, where as a lot of my stresses come from situations I can’t control much.
Control freak ? most definitely!